I see you in my dreams Through nightfall endlessly It’s the only place we’ll meet For the rest of eternity I want to pull you near But when we touch you disappear The message is in front of me But it’s not any more clear And it’s like I’m sleepwalking In the blistering sunlight You’re all I’m wanting And it’s left me dead inside I don’t wanna wake up! Just let me drift away! I want to stay here So I can see your face… Call me pathetic But I still wear this ring A constant reminder Of what I gave away It’s like I’m breaking down into the barest form of everything The air I breathe, The songs I sing, that only serve to remind me That this is something more than love, oh god, I’ve fallen Do they have a word for pain like this? Cause I don’t know what, to call it It's a goddamn shame what time can kill, discard, and then decay Got lost inside that endless night with only the promise of your lovely face, and I would Do it all again if I only ever had the chance But I think I'm just about used up, poured my entire heart into that last dance That night still feels like a thousand knives twisting up, tearing my insides Every single blade, a self mutilating way of saying goodbye And I’m sorry I dragged you down for what feels like one too many times But I really fucking love you and I needed one last night

And all was quiet but the sound Of you sobbing into my shirt And there were cuts all over your thighs As you said all you wanted was an ending And there were bottles on the floor And I didn't recognise your eyes I felt your heart beating slower As you told me you made a mistake Then there was noise And there were sirens on the wind But there was no telling how far they were And there was dirt, on both our clothes As we both lie in the front yard While I begged you to stay awake And it was good, that you pulled through But you went right back to that place down the street where it always starts You know there's not much I can do To make it feel just like 2002 And there's nothing left to smoke or chew At least nothing that we're not used to We found comfort in the booze You always said that was something you'd never do but look at us now… And we're both lonely yeah, that's true Fell in love with the feeling of being used Sure there were people who might have had good intentions but they never made us feel numb Lucky for us there were pills Not quite death, but close enough to kill All of our useless emotions that did nothing but weigh us down. But then you couldn't quit, lying awake in a cold sweat Then you called him at 3 A.M. Saying you'll do anything for a bottomless bag Then that's when I lost touch with you Packed your things, moved off with fuck knows who And even all of these years later I'm still hoping that you're alive and alright You vanished without a clue Your own sister says she hates you Were we friends or just a ruse? Surely after all we went through... All I have left is a picture or two And a note that said: "I always saw through you... You're not that unusual"

Tell me, how do I compare To those boys in the books that you read? I just don’t think I can stack up to The fiction you used to believe Tell me I’m too far to save And how I’m just never there Call me all sorts of names, but am I really to blame That you’re the one that chose to care? And lately I have been the voice of reason! Even if the message fades away! And I know that I have probably been the problem You constantly remind me every day But you said I’ve always had the voice of demons From then until the cravings set me in The issues been the same! And will be to the grave! And I don’t care if this is the end! Tell me how it just isn’t fair What happened to your confidence? You’re a failure and a cheat, and I see what lies beneath Where nothing really makes any sense And by now I’m sure you’re aware That all of your friends have left You’re a condescending fuck! And you’re running out of stuff To hold over my head And lately you have been the voice of DENIAL Never one to just take the blame And now I know it was you, you were the toxin That poisoned me every single day Then I said you always had the voice of MADNESS You’re insane, insecure, and mean I’m stopping this today, let’s go our separate ways I’m finding peace in the end I’m finding peace in the end

Dear mom, you don’t understand I really, really love this man That’s why, I’m up and leaving Across the ocean, is where he’s breathin And that’s the most beautiful, sound to me Not the waves against the shore, but his heart beat You don’t know the way he talks to me! Such affection on his tongue, such love behind his teeth I think I finally found the one He likes cheesy musicals and likes to sing along I feel it in my head, my chest, and in my soul And I’d give the whole damn world away just to let him know! Dear mom, he loves me too I couldn’t believe it, neither could you When our lips touch, I’m absolutely ecstatic It must be a spell, or Practical Magic His lovely face is all I really need, I think I See a future where I just might be happy Cause he’s the most beautiful sight to see, HE’S GOT! Eyes like emeralds, and they’re always locked on me I know that I have found the one He lets me stroke his hair and play him pretty songs I feel it in my heart, and the hands that he holds And I’d give the world away before I let them go! Dear mom...I think I lost him Feels just like, I lost a limb How could...this happen? I had so, so many plans... I don’t know if we’ll still talk.. But I love you no matter what… I felt my heart start to die… That night you kissed me goodbye… I had somehow found the one… But he, slipped through my fingers Just as easy as he'd come I know it in my heart, I won't ever love again Quite the same as that lovely English man

It never works out The way I planned it in my head This love, it gave out Like a flat tire, you said I think too slowly You say it's my biggest flaw But I'm always trying And now it's all my fault Will you please listen? I made a big mistake I can't lose you like this I can't eat and I can't sleep I can't stop reaching out You can't stop running me through "I'm no longer your lover So I can't talk to you"

It’s commonplace for us to take too much from one another… Your heart it aches when we’re away, we can’t touch each other. Dishonest thoughts they eat a lot, they tear your flesh to slivers I was the first to act and now I'm the last to suffer! This love you feel, you know it isn't real? It's doomed, to fail, a love that never heals Can't prove it wrong, you knew it all along I guess they're right, I guess they're right

Just kill me, I need some peace I just want, to feel the earth consume and break down my bones It would only take one sedative… Can you believe everything you're taught? Being happy is a nice thought But once you’ve lost your morals in a firefight, you're in a shitty situation... So I keep taking drugs, gotta keep the flame burning Every single night, the same old parties And you know I’d do anything for you But would you do the same for me if I knew what was going on? Cause I’ve been selling myself out to frustration Buying cheap plane tickets across the nation Tell me just one more thing before I go crazy, you know I’m going crazy here! We pretend to say that everything's okay! But clearly, you were kissing me goodbye… And when you let him touch you yesterday… And you had the nerve to say: "I don't know why it was! The way it was It all just so happened so fast!" Please drug me, I want to sleep Take a gun, while I’m on my knees Put it against my skull and blow out all of these memories I’d rather be dead, than feel like this What did I do to deserve this? I can't be fucked to try again in a different light, the ashes are still burning… So I’ll drink myself numb gotta keep the shame churning Every night with the same old worries You said you’d never do anything to hurt me but do I look that stupid to you now? Cause I’ve been taking loyalty for granted Feet still firmly right where they were planted Tell me that lie just one more time You know that one where you say you love me, oh I love you so! Bullshit! I used to say that everything's okay But oh my dear, I’m kissing you goodbye And when you tried to hug me yesterday I got the nerve to say Maybe we can try again when you clean up your act!

Tell me it's almost over And then we'll both walk away If there's a heart left inside you You will do this and set me free Tell me it didn't matter That it was all just a waste Tell me that it's all over Cause that's all I need you to say I know you won't talk about me I don't even speak my name Then you'll be laughing with your friend I'll be here wasting away I lost you to the city The clubs, the drugs, and the lust Was that all that you wanted? Because yeah, that's all I could take And I know it's almost time for That day we celebrate And if we have any kind of honesty We don't know which we'll say Cause you know I rolled it all over It doesn't matter what we think You can't take any of this back It's been too long, it's been too long now And we'll just make all our friends sad They'll ask us what went wrong And we don't know the answer And we don't know the answer, but we all just play along Tell me that it's all over That's what I need you to say Tell me what I don't want to hear, I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear it But you gotta tell me anyway. Tell me that it's all over I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it Tell me that it's all over...

My heart it used to beat, at the slightest sight Of your lovely eyes, they shone green and bright But I made a mistake, I wanted him for life I’m a goddamn fool, gave it up last night Now these days they taste like poison! I can still hear his voice in The back of my mind, says “That’s not the you I know!” Well you’re right when you’re right That wasn’t me I swear I was working things out Now it can’t be repaired! Oh, how I will lie awake Listen to me, sweet lover I lost Miss your lips, how they would taste Know I can’t breath, you’re an angel to me I spent these weeks in my head Living inside your bed Wishing you would call Me, to come back Home, it’s inside my arms They’ll keep you safe from harm All I need is to hear you say to Me, “This all worked out wrong I know where I belong I love you more than The moon loves the sky.” Do you talk about me when I'm not around? Do you still love me? Or is it snuffed out? Is your heart like mine? Still making this sound? When you see my lips moving? Do they make a sound? Am I on your mind? God I hope that I am Maybe I can get back to you before someone else can I’ll remember you fondly as the love that I drowned There's nothing left of me that's not hollowed out Oh, how my heart begs and aches Come back to me, sweet lover I lost I, Miss your fingers, your sweet face You'll always be, an angel to me...

And I drive through the darkness But you’re not next to me, There’s no one laughing in the passenger seat It’s space taken up now by shitty mix CD’s Crumpled up poetry, and Denny’s receipts… I miss… I miss Kissing at stop lights and daily routine Waking up to traffic at your university You showed me your personal music scene And we’d pass out together into those drunken dreams I’m burning incense as ashes fall to my feet Anything, everything, to mask your memory You would listen to all my misery turned melody You said your favourite was “The Spaces In-Between” We found common ground, oh, solidarity Endless conversations, glasses, filled with whiskey Walking down the block...to another all night party Say “Hey man, let’s do a line, you look lonely…” I said “Okay…” Okay.... My eyes red as stoplights, I’m never clean! Wake up leaned over someone’s toilet seat! These days are blurry, was it last night or last week? When I passed out in the hallway into drunken sleep!

"What am I to you? It’s not an impossible question to answer." Is this what you were hoping for? A storybook ending well, We’re both dying, this isn’t where I wanted to be You replaced all my drugs, with your concept of love Then I turned 21 and drowned in alcohol Then you realised I wasn’t worth the time You gave up on me, just like they all do You pride yourself with honesty But honestly, I cannot see You tell more lies than me I made a list of memories, but crossed it out entirely I’m a mess without you, but you’re doing just fine We’re together but feel alone, send me pages on my phone Why are you afraid to talk face to face? And I spent every night awake and terrified Any day now you’ll say you want me to leave And I was just a risk, that didn’t pay off in the end You said you didn’t want to be “friends with benefits” Now I’m worse than before, you know I just adore The empty feeling of kissing total strangers I guess you were right about me, I’m colder than cold can be I prefer the Winter to your fake Summer sun Once again, I drown in ecstasy, sleeping with it if it breaths I like to feel nothing All I ever did was let you down, it’s better without me around Your silver kiss can kill someone else And all you ever felt was doubt, blame it all on me now I’m sorry but I can’t work it out What am I to you!? It’s not an impossible question to answer You meant nothing to me! So why do you stay? In my head when I can’t sleep!

Come on baby, open your eyes… We downed the shots and did the lines I feel our heart beats slowing down Pretty soon there will be no sound Your green eyes, they fade to grey But I’m right here with you, don’t be afraid We feel distant, our bodies weak Sing me one last song before we sleep The distant music, the blurring lights Empty glasses filled with ice A dirty bathroom, another pill You hit your head but you can’t feel “Love is risky, but whiskey’s cheap.” You threw up then said to me We feel dizzy but so alive And through our smiles we start to cry… In this field where we’ll fall asleep… There is silence, no city streets… We open our mouths but cannot speak All we hear is grinding teeth…

And if there was, one last truth You know I’d tell you everything that I knew We’re selling our days in a chemical haze For an easier method And if I were you I’d get As far away from here as you can You deserve more than I can offer And I’m honestly not worth it And I’ve wasted away Waiting for something to change It’s summer again, another new plan To get away from this town And when that day’s finally here I will probably disappear, into the world To destroy myself, I’ve let everyone down Let’s let em all down So you can stay here and just waste away But I’ve got somewhere to be All I want is a day and a chance to be happy So I ran to a different state. Begged you to please come with me And I can still hear you say: “It isn’t that easy” So I moved up north, with a cold and distant sort I didn’t find peace, under those sheets Are things I don’t mention But I still thought of you, while I was poisoned with booze I’m sinking again, I thought this would end but it didn’t happen So I lie on this floor, with a feeling I’ve felt before I just subsist, bereft and just pissed That things never work out And that days finally here But I’m broken and beaten and scared It’s hard to keep friends, when you’ve traded them in For a promise of nothing No, nothing at all So I will stay here as I waste away I have nowhere to be I used up my days and my chance to be happy Said I should run far from this misery Said “You can come with me” And I could only say: “It isn’t that easy…”

Dancing through pills and nosebleeds A buzzing and a blurry memory If I'd paid more attention I would see The line between a choice and misery A hotel in Los Angeles In the end, got the best of me A bottle just to help me succeed Looking down at the city streets Blackout balcony A car alarm, a blinking TV My phone is going off as I receive Messages I'll never read Blackout balcony One more drink, I will leap Tell all my friends I'm sorry This world is too much for me

I’m breaking every promise I made, to myself, what a shame That my name, leaves a bad taste in your mouth Been thinking a lot about you, kiss the bottle like the lips Of a high school friend I knew... And it’s all dawning on me now, life’s caught up to say “Hey how are you doing? Let me stab you in the stomach.” These streets have led me in circles, a hazy drowning of purpose I’m so far under the surface, I might as well sink Can you tell me what was the point? Of the touch? Of the sleep? Can you tell me what is the point I’m missing… Cause I still stay up every night Rearranging all my life From dotted notes to coded lines I want to understand why I’m still… Passing under hanging signs Neon blue or otherwise There is truth but I won’t find it...

Your room was shrouded in pale blue lights Fighting the dark near your grey-green eyes The moment you said never felt more right Your gloved fingers then slid between mine Your lips made it harder to think Your tongue tasted like energy drinks You were so fearless in a room without doors The hum of the A/C covered up the noise The morning after you seemed far away Silent with words we don't want to say You shoved me away then, after we kissed I can't help but wonder, is there something I missed? Then I felt my heart stop the last week of June She called me and told me that terrible news That year I walked slower and stare at my shoes Because everywhere I looked, there were pictures of you And I will hate Summer for the rest of my life Those three years of winter buried me alive My friends all have given up or exhaled their minds And the voice in my head says we'll never be alright The months melt away as we numbed ourselves Until we forget everything we've felt And we must all look so goddamn pathetic Drowning in our watered down anesthetics I want to feel something! I forgot how to function! Now I think I'm giving in! I can't take much more!

It was the summer of 2009 When I first heard your voice Yelling after mine I was drunker then, when backyards were my beds And every choice I made had no consequence And I was wasting time with a friend who never cared Believing all those lies: "What's broken is repaired." Unrequited eyes can be so beautiful Hoping for a sign, how could I be so gullible? It was the winter of 2010 When I heard that same voice call my name again You came to my front door, a gift inside your hands Said you loved me more than I could ever understand... (And we kissed in the snow) You would hold my hand With friends so they could see Spent the spring that year... With Deborah and Darcy... It was the autumn of 2011 When they said you'd died And now you were in heaven...

ding ding dong (repeat indefinitely)

Made love to each other Like some couples cannot do Best friends and better lovers It was passion through and through It went on through your teenage years, Every week after school His eyes, the loveliest shade of hazel That you ever knew But it was in secret Been hiding all your lives First from your girlfriends Then later, from your wives Almost caught a couple times But found something to say But those long stares at parties Almost gave you away My heart, it aches for those boys on Echo Peak Their hearts that were aching and the secrets they would keep Lips that touched eternally and hands that couldn't stop Lovers shouldn't have to kiss in abandoned parking lots When you kissed him in that a car Your heart it skipped a beat Just got back from college Said that he wanted to meet You explored each other's bodies Just like it had been planned Couldn't wait a single second To hold his face inside your hands You'd give anything for the world To be a better place Where love could come from the heart Without the fear of shame But as badly as you wanted this The world has caveats You still want him after 15 years But said it had to stop My heart, it breaks for those men on Echo Peak The secrets that were told and the films that they'd delete. I hope it ended happily, but I am not convinced I know that tale a bit too well, to pretend that it did I hope you both are doing well Wherever you ended up But I just wanna tell you this And I hope that it's enough True love only really comes If we're lucky, one time So don't miss your solar eclipse And keep him by your side

There was a nervous tension, no one ever seemed to mention Or notice when you snuck a kiss and faked that smile You, could only say the words when your speech would start to slur From high school parties to Indy bars where I killed my heart I got tired of that game, where you held my hand the same As hers, as she’d laugh, and take you away Said, “This makes me feel ashamed, I just don’t feel the same.” Do you regret words that you say? Will you forget words that you say!? We’re singing: “Sorry, Youth!” Regretting things we didn’t do We’re drowning before we knew Excuses, the blames never on you You, you used to be so careless. Always leaving my lungs airless But the rumours and the whispers started getting to you Then, you started to be cautious. Hearing my name made you toxic So you told them: “I never did that, he’s a close friend.” Can’t, count the times you over-reacted, to a simple joke or comment From best friends or strangers, it didn’t matter Screaaaaaaa-ming, you called me! Said “The truth cannot involve me I wanna take back all we said! I wanna take back all we did! I guess you could say that we were just kids And those long summer drives were pointless But we’re older now, and you’re not around If you ever need me, you know where I’ll be found. So I’m singing: “Sorry, Youth” Regretting things we didn’t do We were drowning, but now we’re blue Excuses, the blame is all on you

From you, to me… We talk but never speak With your tongue, on my teeth… It’s getting hard to breath So desperately… you try to give me peace It’s not that easy… There’s no cure to this disease! Give me sympathy! But it’s not what I need! We’re not machines! But we can still break down Falling out, of love! With a hundred plastic cups It’s not enough The whole scene is fucked! But something doesn’t feel right! I haven’t drank quite! Enough! And all I feel right now is empty! It’s good! My veins are poisoned! My visions blurry! But it still keeps replaying in my head! And once again I’ll blackout on the floor and wake up! On your bed! I'm sorry I'm like this!

This bed! Is not a comfort, but a coffin like Our heads! Bleeding out our eyes are regrets Would you, follow me through endless slumber It will be just like last Summer but with way less crying Tell me! Am I overreacting am I Guilty? Of crimes where I’m in the victim Is it turned around, and all blamed on the alcohol? We’re both stumbling down the hall, are we still trying? And, I’m hopelessly hoping for More time, but there isn’t anymore Life that I can waste away here! And so, I’ll say all of my goodbye’s You, will tell me it’s just tonight But I’m, holding out for a place where I can sleep… You said! Man I really miss you you’re my Best friend! I’m coming down this weekend But you never showed, up and left me waiting All your excuses are failing and I know you’re lying! And I see, right through your affectation do you Really, think that I’m that stupid? You’ve changed a lot, just what happened to you? You’re not the voice I fell asleep to lying in the backseat

You’re wasting your last night with goodbyes and long cries Please find some peace of mind your life, I will try To help you on your way to that line, where you’ll fly Across the continent, where you’ll cry one last time...I'm sorry... Cause I’m honest, honestly empty And you don’t believe me How have we sunk so far? I’m treading Knee deep, miles in the sea There’s lessons in drowning But I keep holding my breath Now I’m wasting all my time on your eyes, they’re not mine Hoping I’ll see my reflection in, them again But something tells me that his heart, has wandered Off into those rainy English skies, he’s alright...I'm choking Cause I’m honest, honestly worthless And you don’t deserve this! Didn’t mean to drag you down, into this Riptide, pulling on both sides I’ll let you live your life Meanwhile I will fade away! Like a distant memory…

Every sympathetic face is a waste of time I don’t see why they even try! Some people have the gall to cry about the past While making up their bullshit lies It’s funny how when someone’s gone Enemies become their best friends They stand up to give a speech Well it’s a little too late to make amends! My sheets are covered in greeting cards! One is right next to my face! I’ve read them a hundred times They still say “He’s in a better place” It’s comforting to have those thoughts, But I find it hard to fool my brain I’d like to think you can hear me somehow But I guess we’ll all find out one day There is a way, but I don’t know how To overcome what’s bringin us down I pray, in time, we’ll all come around We’ve got each other to smile about…(at least for now…) We have to deal with so many frustrations Push through our hearts endless vacation There will be a time for consultation Trying hard to make desperate conversations Desperate conversation By the end of the year I’ve had enough! Been breaking down just to fill back up! These empty glasses I’ve choked down It won’t be long before I drown We all found a way to numb the pain Some of us got sick, others stayed the same By the end, we all had changed Get a new face, erase, all your name! Winter came and took us by surprise! The air became as cold as our eyes We felt the earth shake beneath our bones! And stayed inside because there was no snow Only freezing rain fell from the sky Covering the roads in deep black ice We stayed inside to hide from the misery It’s too dangerous to drive on those streets! There was no way we could’ve known! Couldn’t prepare for this day!

As ashamed of myself as I feel right now! I need something to forget the pain And as lost as I was four years ago I will surely remain! And through hard drinks and long drives And hookups and zip-ties I am slowly, but surely dying With smoke filling lungs till we feel all nice and numb I am choking on the flame… It’s like something inside me has changed! Like someone tore out all of my strings, left my lying to Everyone, say “I’m not in pain” But it ends up coming out less than believable Nothing, not shit ever changes! But if you can’t function then nothing is really lost… As much hate as I have for myself right now I need to something to forget this shame And as fucked as I was three hours ago My legs still shake from the strain And through hard fucks and bad lies And red eyes and long cries I am quickly, but surely trying With guilt stabbing lungs till I see all I’ve become I don’t think that I’ll ever change… It’s like something inside me is drained! Like someone cut out all my veins, left me crawling to All of my friends, say “Forget my name” But it ends with a feeling that no one is listening All this bullshit’s never-ending So I’m ending everything to make all this noise stop!

I try to get lucky, but you just wanna sleep You lock the door to the bedroom so you can’t hear me weep And I just sit and wonder, wonder all day long Wondering why and where everything went wrong You used to buy me Taco Bell and say “I love you too” Now all you do is give me hell and scream and yell “Fuck you” Without you in my life, I just couldn’t cope Without you here beside me to argue over the T.V. Remote Argue over the T.V. Remote I remember when we first met, McDonald’s parking lot Asked you out on a date and took you to Red Lobster You told me how you hate your mom, I said I hate mine too We would go to the shopping mall and smoke pot in the bathroom We would make out after school while waiting for the bus Then we’d come home and watch Netflix and argue over the T.V. Remote Argue over the T.V. Remote