"I'm so relieved You're talking to me again I thought I lost you for good, how have you been? Since you left, I haven't awoken In anyone's arms Now it's much colder I love you, and you don't have to respond I just want you to know you never leave my mind I keep drifting off, my eyes hard to keep open I hope you sleep well, I miss your voice"

You wake up in the morning, but the morning’s never good Because the flies around the kitchen keep landing on your food And your mother’s still sleeping from the whiskey in her veins As a kid you tried to help her but she said you were to blame Your clothes are soaked in cigarettes but you've never smoked a day You take what your friends give you just to take away the pain And your sister finds pleasure in starting endless fights Screaming outside your shaking door every single night They tear down your confidence every chance they get From making fun of how you look and the off hand comments You try your best to get a job so you can get away But everyone knows who you are and spits on your last name And at every single party there’s a face you want to forget Your past seems only to remind you “This is as good as it gets.” And through darkened rooms and afternoons where faces blur from one to two they say “Hey, don’t I know you?” I know you…

You moved here a few months ago Got a job, but you still feel alone Found some strangers to call your friends What you do now just depends On what would make them like you You hope they don’t intrude upon Those secrets that line your head Switch back, put that shirt on The one where red circles blue When you visit you seem worn down You haven’t hugged me this hard since we were kids You smoke a lot more cigarettes And drink more than I’ve seen before We’re both choked by melancholy With no hope of getting free I always thought you were Mauna Kea But now I see, you’re just like me We can do so much more than this, you know Your brother he told us so But hazy eyes can’t see where to go We can’t stand, much less run Through afternoons spent in your living room And all those nights we stayed up late To later on somewhere down the road Where our fun had to be rolled Compliments are replaced with lighter clicks There’s only sleep when tears run dry Paper’s only used for paychecks Pens are only used for crime When did all our conversations Become complaining about life? And I can’t help but to wonder Could things have turned out right? Why is no one ever listening? Why do the beautiful have scars on their skin? It’s a fact, you are never coming back? I am left down here with my things all packed....

I miss you like hell It's been a few years now I miss your brown eyes The way you used to say my name I miss you so well But don't know if you can tell I need you right now Or at least just to see your face I have photographs From when we lay in the grass Your head turned towards me A kiss while half asleep And I would like to imagine You still think of me But I don't think you do I guess there's things more important Now you have that new girl What's her name? It's always a new one I see your name in my phone I hope one day you will call But you never do I miss you like hell And it hurts about the same Why do I do this to myself? I miss you like hell...

And just when did you choose To forget me? You let their words spill into Your head is filled with doubts Suffocating me as you inhale and blow out The smoke that fills up your days I guess we all have our poison that we use to Kill the thoughts that keep us awake I know I've been guilty of just the same Just because I shouldn't, doesn't mean I don't And I will hope you feel the same, but I know you won't! And I can keep on lying to myself all the time That you are just busy, that everything's fine And maybe when we grow up, five or ten years from now You'll say you are sorry and keep looking down But truth is that you walked out at the absolute worst time And I've heard your apologies enough to know they are lies And I doubt that you'll hear this, even if you try But I have one more message, I'm saying goodbye

Am I really that replaceable? It took you less than 3 months And am I really this forgettable? You haven’t talked to me in a year Say goodbye to the Northern Winters I’m driving back southbound to hell “A waste of time” is what you called me then Well I can’t really argue that fact Wasted life in that year I drank too much Never helped me, just made me ashamed Those words you said oh so harshly “Find someone else to fuck and live off of.” You said it like I had a choice You said I make you nothing but miserable When you’re around me you feel invisible I said I’m broken and I don’t know if I can be repaired, then you said “Go find someone who cares” You sent me a text oh so damaging And I choked up after each line, it said: “The more that I find out you were dishonest The more I start to hate you I can’t even keep a fucking apartment Because I used all of my money on you I get repaid with your bullshit and disrespect I don’t know if I’ll welcome you back There’s a lot of things that would have to change Then again, you've made that promise before You said you feel suicidal But you’re already a walking corpse You said I make you nothing but miserable When you’re around me you feel invisible I said I’m broken and I don’t know if I can be repaired, then you said “Go find someone who cares.” “Go find someone who cares About who you are, or what you’ll be About how you feel, or if it’s real I’ve made the mistake of loving you But now I’m done I’m done Go find someone who cares.”

I'd meet you at the corner every morning And sometimes you'd come to my door You watched me fix myself in the mirror Always told me I looked "good enough" The bus was full of awful sounds But we drowned them out with music You'd sleep on my shoulder until we got to school God you know, I really miss that We talked about all the things we hate Our future dreams when we graduate I was always a dreamer, I know That always bothered you But all of that is behind us now No, we don't talk much anymore And I'm sorry if I did something wrong You know I'd like to apologise if I did I remember those nights we spent together When we'd replace tears with alcohol And I'd see the scars that covered your body You always said it was your fault But nothing you could do Could make me think any less of you Because I've let you closer than most But soon you got distant from me Acted like we had no history All the times I made sure you didn't bleed Are now just distant, forgotten memories And the times we sat in the dark Or drove all night in your parents car Struggling to find out just who we are Well, I guess that you did Found a new life to live And I'm not a part of it But if you forget me, I will accept it Yeah, you forgot me, but I will learn to live...

We grew up just down the street from each other Lined with tape, that shack in your back yard Your brothers smoked, we said we’d never touch those things I fell again, I still have that scar on my knee And they spent days in your basement I used to spend my nights there to But all that time seems wasted That rooms so barren now...because you will… Take those posters off the wall, take everything you used to love And throw it in the garbage Take all those games we played and sell them all to strangers Gotta have some money I fought back every word I wanted to say Like it would've made a difference I spent all of my life being half way alive While most of my friends left me behind You said you would never change, but we’re all not quite the same We took all sorts of things to calm our heads… Tear those posters off the wall and throw them all away… Took the promises we made and threw them in my face I don’t know what to say…

You’re not letting go, of who you thought you owned But I was not an object How could you be so mean? Killed what’s left inside of me But you don’t care And you’re not waking up, unless it’s time for work I was never an option And I'm not throwing up, because I am sick But from trying to erase you I still feel the pain, from all the many things That people put inside me I am a mistake, for you to throw away Try again in the morning And I’ll try to pretend, that I enjoy your kiss As you press me against the mattress And so I came back home, with all of these high hopes That things would be different But these people are the same, they ignore the strange And music is just noises They talk with their mouths, tuning the world out They hear but never listen While they down their drinks and laugh with their friends I wish I was like them And if there is beauty, it will not find me I'm buried in the ugly And I know in the end, this disease will win But I've learned to accept it And when it’s my turn to die, will anyone cry? I think I know the answer They’ll walk up to my grave, say a prayer in my name And bury what’s left of my brain And they’ll find my note that read: “Sorry to my friends, Congratulations to my enemies” They’ll cover up my scars, and empty out my drawers At least I’ll make an attractive corpse Funny how in the end, everyone pretends Like they knew you and what you stood for… The smallest things in the world Can crawl inside our hearts and quickly turn fatal And when I don’t wake up Someday pretty soon I will be forgotten

I don't know what else I can do To save you, you refuse They always say to you "Get out, or give in" I can't say I blame you For hating everything A drink to celebrate our failures One for me, one for you As we sit around in your room You tell me who hurt you And all of the names they called you "Whore" "Liar" There used to be a light that saved you Not now, never again You said there was this look I gave you You can't quite describe You know we have a lot in common We're both selfish All we want is just to smile And really mean it But that feeling has been gone a while I see him, you miss her You hold that notebook like a bible The last page, those last words As we drive all over this town We hear orange and see blue Your jeans are frayed and torn at the knees Those concerts we went to Take another breath here with me Breath in and let go Tonight we're far from those broken homes I'm right here with you

There was a boy who said he loved me When he really just loved the idea And kisses came and then they ended When the idea became too real And days will come and weeks will end The timing seems so insightful Through broken bones and weary friends The future seems so delightful And I will do my best to pretend That there's something here to notice But when these days all blur together Hoping never seemed more hopeless And in the winter when the silence came I was told I wasn't worth it The snow blew in and stung my skin Those words they felt like razors A foggy window, a car ride home Every minute was an hour That sinking feeling we all feel now Will slowly start to devour

We will always be Driving backwards on a one way interstate

You’re only twenty three and you can’t believe That you’re alive and breathing You say without a doubt that time is running out You only have a couple more years The doctor told me I have a heart disease I won’t make it to forty It’s all those years of drugs, blackened is my blood I gave up my future a long time ago You always fall in love with everyone you meet You try to hold on but they always leave You play your music loud to drown the world out When you’re drunk you tell me this one thing: “By whatever grace of God that I beat the odds I still can’t fix what I destroyed I need to tell you this, I want to confess I need to get this off my chest…” You said, “I want to be a father to a son or a daughter Even just for a while, as long as I can And I want to raise them to be better than I am I hope that I can see them when they graduate But if I go under, I hope that their mother Tells them I loved them more than life itself Leave them all my money, so they can get a degree I want nothing else but for them to be happy And I'm sure they’ll hear the stories of my past and they’ll see It’s not hard to be… Better than me…

I keep running to anything lethal I've convinced myself that everyone's evil So why do I look for the good in people? Perhaps I still have hope for a better future Where my friends don't have to drink themselves to sleep Where I can finally not lose everything I eat

He is sleeping through his dizzy head Always forgetting everything he says When his eyes open he’ll have a headache Kneeling at the toilet, the nausea comes in waves Every lover takes what they want and leaves It’s hard to say no to a beautiful thief I still remember that night that you asked me “Why must I pay for love when mine is always free?” And I don’t ask questions Cause I never like the answers Never do I learn my goddamn lesson It’s not much, but that’s my confession I’m still reeling from those nights we stayed awake Poisoned blood makes the truth easier to take Bills are due soon, work away the days To just be happy seems like a lot of pain I said we should leave, he can get away But Ben finds comfort in a full ashtray He says I can come over if I don’t want to think We have paralyzers in the form of a joint and a drink And I don’t ask many questions Cause I have the same one answer Never do I learn my goddamn lesson To be numb has become an obsession…

My lungs collapse and fill the air around you A puff of smoke in cold and empty air You grabbed my hand to try and stop the shaking Our fingers filled the spaces in-between I put the whole room on the edge of their seats They say, it’s something about the way I carry myself You know I’m, not the best at making conversation Everyone just keeps repeating themselves Someone stop this awful sinking feeling! That I’m constantly letting everyone down! All my friends had such high expectations But I’m 22 and still stuck in this town Brian tells me that I drink too often And Ben is always saying I look too pale I think about death way too often Fighting the urge to CUT THE WHEEL REAL HARD! Was it even worth it in the end? Lost my lover, my brother, and most my friends Can we please, oh god, just make amends I guess I became part of the trend… Now, my lungs fill and kill the air around me I see now it was just a fantasy All those tears of fear and love and wanting Were feelings that have long since disappeared And when I speak there is a dreadful silence This empty room is filled with past goodbyes I lie in bed and all I hear is screaming And I fall asleep hoping I won’t open my eyes… Now I’m wide awake and everything’s in motion! Even if the pieces move slowly Every step you take is making progress Going backwards at least means you’re moving I’ll never live up to my reputation Or change past missed opportunities But I sure as hell will keep on fighting And one day I’ll wake up where I’m supposed to be Oh my friend, can you do this for me? Don’t let life determine who you’ll be Love yourself and please don’t stop dreaming We all deserve a chance to be happy

You both feel something, but you’re just not sure The concept of romance just seems so obscure So many times you said it just wasn’t real Just a pumped up word, so absurd, all that space to fill and Through all those days you spent in those arms of sleep You felt your heart in the dark, said “It’s you I want to keep” And they tell you things they don’t tell anyone else But you still never say anything about yourself… And every “I like you” is just pressing the bruise Stay alone, take a chance, you just cannot choose They said “I don’t wanna wait two weeks to kiss your lips” And you reply like you’re reading off a script And they tell you about who has hurt them before You don’t wanna be another story they recite on the floor And one of these days you’ll both tell hard truths Cause you’re never missing someone as much as they’re missing you We left my house just three hours ago Got gas, got drinks, now we’re heading to Terre Haute This drive is lovely, so much is doesn’t seem long Drumming on our legs, down the road, we sing along We spent quite a lot of time on your couch Playing games, getting drunk, and lots of making out When you started crying you told me all about Through whiskey tears, no fear, you spilled out all your doubts And I said “I like you” but don’t know how to feel I’m too much fiction and you’re far too real You said you’ve had far too many “If’s” But I can’t decide if I want to commit You say I’m perfect but I must disagree Been used, doped up and drunk more than you can believe When you call me lovely, I just feel guilty… Cause I never miss someone as much as they’re missing me

They were scenes rehearsed and acted out Crying lines into a mirror You were caught off guard when I lashed out Said they were crocodile tears And I speak the truth, but you aren’t listening! You have a toxic tongue that poisons everything! Try your best to get under my skin But I’m not letting that happen again! Cause if you could, you would, I know you… And if you can, you will, I see through your skin! An eye for an eye is all that I can see! Break my bones, you scream in agony! The things that you have been saying to me Sound an awful lot like lies! Through that makeup, I see crystal clear! Don’t look too tired or so insincere A perfect act so that you will appear As confident as you think you are! There were days spent drunk and burning out Taking pills to kill the fear I was so fucked when you showed up That I burst into tears And you talk to me like a stranger you’ve been absolved of If it’s a joke to you, it;s a joke to me, we can laugh it off! Haha! You scratched on my paper skin in pen: “Who I was then, I’ll never be again.” Cause if it’s good, you should Run away When it’s hard, you’ll leave You’re translucent! As confident as you think you are! As confident as you think you... are!

How empty your head is When you spill out the contents Onto someone that you loved How bled dry your heart is When you sing straight from it Writing all those words across the page How misplaced your trust is When it’s taken advantage of By someone you thought loved you How desperate we all are To cover up our scars To meet someone who makes us feel something To have someone who makes things okay… Or to take something that makes it go away To drink something that makes us feel nothing

She said “Don’t let him hurt you” But there is nothing left to hurt He’s just a person I touched who Left me bleeding in the dirt Said “I know that feeling… Of desperate, unrequited love…” You never left, but you said you would drive To this place we despised But once again, you never showed up Instead of making excuses all the time Can you please make up your mind? Stay in or get out of my life I just have to ask you Does it ever cross your thoughts? Just what could have happened If we’d had a slower clock But you said you were happy With that new life that you had found But there is an awkward silence Whenever you are around!... I’ll say I’m over it! But in the back of my head I’m still wondering It would be an understatement to say, it drives me insane I need some closure Is it such a hard thing to do? Is it such a hard thing to say? I’d prefer you To just say you hate me

Only when you crash down Lonely dead grass, haunting grounds A ghost, pale skin, wedding gown Dim lights, sheets pulled, curtain call Lit up, green glow, hollow eyes The fog spreads, darkness, swallowed whole Slit wrists, rope burns, broken soul They’re here now! Run while you still can! You’re taking the risk of falling down Running from those scary sounds They are crawling out from the ground You may feel safe, but rest assured All of their only concerns Are tearing you into to little pieces! And I can’t help you... Blood stains, a knife, in your hand Her back, their plan, deafening screams Blacked out, returned, who are you now? Shambling, dead stare, falling leaves Army of traitors, a close call They march now, rotting, warning signs Nail shut, the doors! Stay inside! Hide your flesh wounds and deny! The moaning keeps you up all night! You don’t know if you can fight! You’re still...shaking There’s no rest beyond the lies Get arrested for homicide None of us are innocent And then silence will be all you’ll here Pouring out come all the tears While your vision goes black...

Messing with your mood in the daytime Passing out, you fall in the shower Swimming past the pills that you're taking I don't know you have... But there's something here that you don't bare I'm not colouring in the roses Crawling in between all the sheets now Don't get your hopes up... Dealing with all sorts of frustration Mumbling to yourself by the station Sinking down beneath that green ocean While begging for air.... But I know, you fake it No purpose, they take it All my days are spent mostly sober Wishing cars would just run me over How do you know if you're telling them All the right lies? Living up to low expectations Don't we all deserve inspiration? Not this constant false admiration Well all I can tell you is: "Why don't you try to deal with it? Stop lying in front of vampires naked Your own path is only what you make it Don't tell me you can't do it... I don't know if I can hear one more goddamn second... I don't know if I can hear one more goddamn second...I'm done."

Everybody's parties now are never that exciting Do you really know the people that you are inviting? Take a drink, then forty more, there's no secrets to keep You'll tell them all, then down the hall to puke and fall asleep In the morning you will face all of the waves of guilt Clean up the empty bottles and everything they spilt On the couch there's ashes now and a few weird stains Can't escape the aching pain that echoes through your brain Quiet now, that lonely house that's just past the creek We had questions but the answers are not what we seek

They’re all looking down, down at the ground In every crowded city, in every lonely town Voices lost in the crowd, floating up to the clouds There is no way out, we are all in this together And like marionettes with broken strings They can’t lift their arms above their knees Break the moth and steal its wings It’s the only way we can survive! Are you hurting someone? Are you killing the sun? Are you looking out for number one? Tell me when it’s all over and done In the back of church, or in the middle of the street They’ll spread their wings, telling you which truth to believe But don't trust those liars, held up by hooks and wires When they brushed past the flame, their fake wings caught ablaze! And like soldier boys with fake toy guns They’ll aim at innocents, thinking no harm could be done But back at home, when there’s no one around The hand of God! Chokes and throws you down! Broken strings...